a new day

It is so incredibly hard for me to believe I had surgery was a week and a half ago! In some ways it feels like lifetimes ago and like yesterday at the same time. 

I was in the most excruciatingly painful state I've ever been in, EVER EVER EVER. These first pictures are from the day I went into the hospital. I was so uncomfortably bloated and my whole body was just hurting and since I now know the problem, I was likely toxic. I was miserable and terrified. Going into the hospital with abdominal pain leaves so many options as to what could possibly be wrong, which is really terrifying. The relief that washed over me when we decided on removal of the gallbladder is truly beyond words. Furthermore, the relief I've continued to experience daily since that day is amazing, truly lifesaving. 

I'm not even sure I can find the words to describe what it is like to have the veil of chronic, terribly excruciating pain lifted. It is amazing to realize how stifling and confining the pain is, without you even noticing. I NEVER realized how much, as in both amount and in time, pain I was in. I don't think people can truly understand what that kind of pain can do to every part of a person: body, mind, heart, soul.

My cats have been such strong, powerful, protective, healing rays of LOVE within this healing process. They know exactly when I need or want to cuddle and they just take such incredible care of me. I don't know what I'd do without them. I am glad now that they can just enjoy me being their mommy and once I've recovered from surgery, they will not need to take care of me. I hope that offers them relief also.

I feel like a brand new girl. That is not to say I'm pain-free, but the pain I'm experiencing now is simply surgical recovery-related pain, which because it is a HEALING pain is completely different and tolerable.

This week I'll be returning to my normal work schedule and I'm both excited and nervous. Excited because of my newfound energy, but nervous because I'm exhausted easily. I'm going to take it easy and get back into my groove.

Here I am one week after my surgery. I feel like I can see LIFE in my eyes, which has been absent for quite a long time.

To complete this major life transition I chose to chop off my hair, have it straightened and dye my ends blonde. It was the perfect choice-- I couldn't be happier with it or LOVE it more. It feels so good.

I love that the haircut is versatile and can be styled in different ways and it is slightly edgy but still professional since I'm a geriatric social worker and am in the working world and professional community.

This afternoon I had an appointment with my spiritual counselor, Diana, and it had been quite some time since I've been able to see her. It was really great to see her and to see her see me and my new-ness. I really enjoyed seeing her and being able to have a debriefing of sorts after all of this-- even though my results couldn't have been more desirable-- has been a stressful and scary time.

I LOVE this Sharpie tattoo from this afternoon so very much, I think it looks really cool and pretty with my scars!!

Well, nearly two weeks out from my surgery and my life is so much better than before, EVERYTHING is different and feels new because I'm able to experience things more without excruciating pain and the haze of pain drugs.

With everything going on in my life and some internal work I'm doing I'm going to be changing the name of my blog to BRAVE HEALING. I hope you'll continue along the journey to health with me and we can share our experiences, speed bumps, inspiration with one another.

Thank you all for reading. It really means a lot.

Sending you big, grateful LOVE from the bottom of my finally heading soul.

I'm not sure exactly where my path will be leading me next, but I'm most excited now to be on my way.