Katie and Me: Reborn

Every Sunday I go hiking. I have two fabulous girlfriends that go and we have such fun together AND we've seen some beautiful and interesting places. It is truly one of my favorite parts of my week. Luckily I was well enough to go Sunday morning, however my nausea impacted our drive as we had to pull over several times. But we finally made it to our destination...

a trail we had never done before. 

And we were off...

Luckily the hike was short and before we knew it we found ourselves at the base of the most breathtaking waterfall I've ever seen: 

300+ feet, two tiered, lush, green and mossy.

If seeing this waterfall had been our entire experience I would've been incredibly satisfied, even overwhelmed by the natural beauty...however, unbeknownst to us we were about to have a most amazing, spiritual, adventurous experience INvolving this mammoth waterfall.

Following are some pictures from our trail hike and some from the creek that flowed from the falls, as we crawled down to follow the creek.

I loved touching the water. Barely having my fingertips gracing along the top of the stream allowed me to feel the strength, perseverance and sense of life that the water possessed...

a very special feeling that I 

truly, deeply enjoyed.

And then the AMAZING waterfall...

(the pictures do not do it justice, by far)

 

I was in absolute awe.

We ran into a couple of people who had knowledge of the falls and had been there before. They informed me that you can in fact crawl through, behind, under the waterfall and go through to the other side. Without thought I followed them into this cave, which involved a lot of maneuvering of my body to get in the right angle, BUT I did!!  Crawled through kind of fast, needed to keep up with our new friends...it was incredible! Every emotion was felt: excitement, fear, pure joy, appreciation, amazement, anxiety. Once I came out the other side I was absolutely exhilirated. I wanted to take my camera in and then have my friend take pictures of me going in and coming out. I spent a lot more time IN the cave. With the flash of my camera I was able to see and feel the detail of the inside of the cave. It was absolutely amazing. I touched all over, slowly running my hands everywhere I was able, some areas were dry, some moist. I was calm in there. I felt calm in a way that words cannot yet describe -- completely at home, protected and held. To be quite honest I wished I never had to come out, I had never experienced anything like this ever before. Could not quite put my finger on what it was that I was experiencing. 

UNTIL it came to me: the insides of the cave looked exactly like ENDOMETRIOSIS. The connection was made. I felt as though I was standing IN endometriosis.

I have always thought of endo as being a vicious, mean, hate-filled entity fighting for, and sometimes gaining possession of my body.  This shift in perspective has brought about a feeling of serenity while going through this physically trying treatment. Though the feelings I have and have experienced, as well as the lens through which I've viewed my endometriosis 

has been reality,

which sometimes simply ain't that beautiful.

Being in that cave, feeling its heartbeat through the pulse of the falls flowing above has helped me to shift my lens to that of BRAVE HEALING which involves strength, determination, love, acceptance but not relinquishing and renewed willpower.

I MUST WIN.

And winning means more than "just" in a physical way.

Had to end with a pic of me and my most amazing fur baby who took such incredible care of me when my endo had a seriously intense and painful flare up yesterday and last night. He is SUCH a lover.