BRAVE HEALING

°°° please note: For some reason I cannot get the bold or underline to get right, so it is what it is...

This afternoon I had the most amazing healing and reiki session with my teacher. She knows a lot about my current issues and the infamous return of the bloat. She also writes Sharpie mantra messages on me if she feels so inclined. This afternoon I asked for BRAVE and then she did the HEALING one right on my bloating.

Seeing these two words together has really stirred something deeply within myself. Several people in my life call me brave on a somewhat regular basis, which always makes me look around to see of whom they could be referring... I have never considered myself brave, ever ever ever. But after seeing these words together it came to me, you MUST be BRAVE in order to experience true HEALING. My goal is to have a true, heart-opening, physically internal, soul expanding HEALING as I conquer, truly conquer this vicious disease.

Just writing this blog is helping me with that. I'm trying to destigmatize not only endometriosis itself, but the taboo-ness of women's health in general...I mean c'mon, we each came from a woman, their health is kind of vital to future generations. Time to get our act together people, really, and save our women.

Personally I experience a lot of shame with my disease and feel it is time to put that shit out. The fact that my body is not doing well, and has seemed to have turned on itself, doesn't make it my fault, or mean that I am in any way bad...this is an idea I'm completely working on now, as I still feel the punishment/shame that goes along with this. Like this evening was one of my favorite events within my meditation community, the winter solstice. I'm so ashamed and embarrassed of Katie that I seriously contemplated not going. I went, and was instantaneously glad I had done so. I was literally surrounded.by massive, big, high LOVE. Because endo takes over and even ruins parts of my life, I forget sometimes that I am NOT endometriosis, it is simply something I have and it is NOT my identity.

At the solstice event I found my intention for 2014 to be BRAVE HEALING. Though I'm feeling pretty stable and steady, there is a myriad of emotions running through my body and mind at any given moment. 

I have a lot more to say but am absolutely exhausted, gonna hit the sack and do the part 2 tomorrow!

namasté all. Happy Winter Solstice!