The past few weeks have been so freaking scary and intense. I've been excitingly some new and very uncomfortable symptoms. I've had several ER visits and checkups. I'm terrified by the working diagnosis we have tight now, unfortunately each doctor I've seen so far has agreed. I will be seeing a UCLA specialist this coming Wednesday. Fingers crossed that if nothing else, a plan of action is made.
Above is from the ER visit. The is nothing more uncomfortable or disconcerting than coughing and vomiting blood, aside from having the taste of blood in my throat at all times. It really makes me sick just thinking about it. I've had a lot less bloating, but below is a very bloated day.
And aside from the taste of and coughing/vomiting up blood, I'm also unable to take a sufficiently full breath. I'm constantly tired, unable to fully relax due to fear. I'm terrified about what is wrong. The symptoms are so scary.
My cat is such a love and takes such great care of me when I'm not feeling good. He gives me massages and some he's so big they actually feel really good!! He and his brother Wilby have been cuddling me together, rich is definitely not their norm. They just know how severe and overwhelming the symptoms I've had have been. They take their care very seriously, at least one of them is with me at all time, if not both of them! ♡ They're very special!!
He's very very handsome. I feel very blessed to be his human.
Nothing really makes me feel better, sometimes though it is less severe than others. Loves and kitty kisses are exactly what I need and they help take the edge off of my symptoms. They make it hurt not as much.
Cat love is the best love.
♡♡♡
Below is the incredible difference I experienced in one day, the morning, or the before picture is on the left and after work, 8 hours later is on the right. Pretty amazing! That is a pretty significant change!
The thing that has been on my mind lately is H O P E. I'm scared of hoping. I am terrified of this relapse. I don't want to be hopeless, but I also don't know how many more times I can take having such hope in a treatment or whatever I'm trying, just to be dashed by a relapse. I'm trying to find the balance between being realistic and realizing what is possibly going on right now, hoping it is something simple...Hoping the diagnosis I'm given doesn't have the word endometriosis in it. I think the phrase is:
CAUTIOUSLY OPTIMISTIC.
I'm still trying to figure out what this place looks or even feels like. But I'm trying.
I think I'm gonna try to write my way through this process. I think that'll be the way I can process what is going on.
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