Time to ENDO the Silence

This post will NOT be pretty, but much more importantly it will be a completely accurate description of my experience at present.

I woke up this morning quite tired and in moderate pain,  but feeling way better than my status quo as of late.  As my day in the office progressed so did an overwhelming wave of nausea and severe pelvic cramping.  Luckily,  if you can call it that, I made it to the bathroom in enough time to puke, which I did several times before my coworkers offered to drive me home -- well to the hotel that is my temporary home (another loooooooong story).  They brought me here,  got me checked in and helped me get comfortable.  I slept really soundly and deeply for about an hour and a half.

When I woke up I warmed up my glorious heating pad,  changed into comfy endo-appropriate pajamas,  put some essential oils on and laid back down with my laptop, watching some shows on Hulu and writing this blog.

So I've been home lying down for nearly 5 1/2 hours now and here is a list of the symptoms (going to include both physical AND emotional) I'm currently experiencing:

Excruciating pelvic spams and cramping
Overwhelmingly strong nausea
Frequent bouts of diarrhea
Shakiness and weakness (hence my not driving)
Exhaustion and restlessness at the same time
Excessive vomiting
Moderate blood loss while going to the bathroom
Sadness
Confusion
FEAR
Anger
Loneliness
Hopelessness
Overwhelmed
Frustration

I guess that about covers it.  I assumed,  stupidly apparently,  that my excision surgery less than a year ago (June 17, 2014) was going to be my miracle.  Well folks,  I'm still searching for my miracle,  hoping to stumble across it soon.  I have a feeling it is coming to me in a variety of ways: I'm  exploring Chinese medicine,  herbs and acupuncture and yet another new doctor who can hopefully help me take care of this once and for all,  or at least give me more than an 8 month reprieve from this out of control suffering.

It is my mission to not remain silenced about my condition and experience: one motivation is to help raise overall awareness but another is selfish in needing a place to vent,  cry,  sort things out and share my story without censoring and helping myself to remove the cloak of shame, guilt,  and embarrassment that truly taints my experience.

Thank you all for taking the time to read this. 

Going to try to take a bath and rest tonight. If it gets worse I'm heading to the emergency room.  Either way I'm likely doing either urgent care or the er tomorrow morning.

namasté and love ♡♡♡

        Vicious nausea and pain

Finally laying down in bed, not feeling much better at all but it does help to be able to lounge.

Here's my Bengal nurse,  Tink,  who takes such excellent cate of me.  He seems to always know exactly what I need.  He is just a big ball of healing,  purry loves.  Missing him tonight,  wishing he were with me,  instead of being all alone.