Yesterday I had the amazing experience of traveling up the gorgeous coast, up to Palo Alto for the WORLDWIDE ENDOMETRIOSIS AWARENESS MARCH! And the only way I was able to go is my best friend was willing to take a day off of work to drove me up there. I think with doing this event together we've grown even closer. She's been such a source of support throughout the years of ineffective medicinal treatments, when I had my diagnostic lap, my hysterectomy, my countless er runs and hospital stays. Thank you, Karines, for being such a great friend. I love you ♡♡ ♡
It was my first time going to this event. I had the pleasure of meeting so many beautiful, strong, supportive endometriosis sisters who I had previously only known on our Facebook groups and chats. It was indescribable to be surrounded by other women who understand exactly what it is that I've been and am going through.
While it was great to be there, it has cut me to a deeper level to hear more than once that there is no cure - even though I've known that all along. I'm not sure why it hit me so much more this weekend, but it did -- significantly more. I find myself experiencing a barrage of emotions tonight as I reflect on this powerful experience: sad, scared, angry, frustrated, loved, hopeless, lonely, disappointed, confused, devastated, overwhelmed, taken advantage of, let down, and possibly most importantly grateful for the support I DO have.
My current struggle is this: ok, so there is no cure, but there are things that can help offer relief from symptoms. I have tried countless things along my journey with this disease. Knowing there is no cure, and already having my hope devastatingly crushed more times than I can remember: I need to find MY right balance in still having hope for some relief but not being foolishly accepting of people or treatments, surgeries, medications, that may make claims that they are unable, or unwilling, to deliver. It is hard to balance the HOPE with the FEAR.
I do not know how I will get to this place. This place being of peace and acceptance but to be mindful, conscious and aware of it not sinking into resignation. I'm going to use this blog and my journal to try and sort this out (writing is such an incredible resource for me). I know I will eventually get to this place and I hope by my sharing I can help any other sisters struggling in this or similar ways.
I'm hoping that by sharing my journey and not only the devastating physical issues but the emotional aspects, I'm doing my part to help end the silence and lift the veil of shame and secrecy that has long been shrouding endometriosis, and really women's overall reproductive health, as a while for way too long.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart and soul for taking the time to read this.
Please feel free to comment here or email me at acardiganlover@gmail.com if you'd like to connect or just need someone to listen or vent to, knowing I get it.
***I know first hand how dark and hopeless this process can feel, and I've myself contemplated suicide more than once over my 18 year battle with this disease, the never ending pain, the friends we've lost along the way and the medical mistreatment we frequently endure can feel completely overwhelming. So I urge any fellow sisters to reach out. Nobody understands our plight more than other women in the same boat, so please reach out. If you find yourself in that dark, hopeless, lonely place, please please please reach out. I would do anything I can to offer as much support as I am able. ♡♡♡ I felt so alone for the first several years of my journey and I want to make sure other girls don't feel that way. I would love to help in any way I can.
Sending BIG hugs, deep thanks to all of you who are reading this.
~namasté
Please feel free to share this as well. I want to really grow my blog into a resource of safety, love, healing, sharing, where everyone feels comfortable enough to share.
I've included some of my favorite pictures from yesterday's event, hope you enjoy!
♡♡♡
Getting ready in my tutu :)
My marathon number!
Getting my make up on and ready to go! Getting excited!
Met an incredible new friend and I'm greatly looking forward to getting to know her more ♡
Was given the New Zealand ribbon to show support to our worldwide sisters.
Getting ready to march!
Marching around Palo Alto High School. Got a lot of honks in support and acknowledgement. Seeing these hundreds of women and their supportive, loving people who help them hang on was seriously heartwarming. That is where my tears started!
Before we started marching we released some yellow balloons for our fallen sisters
This is the sign I used on our trek. I really like it!
Had to do tree pose in my endo tutu and my combat boots for some interest :)
Me and my bestie, so incredibly grateful to have her in my life xox ♡
Almost to the end, holding up our signs: doing our part in raising awareness!
Tree pose with prayer hands in the back -- Lemme tell ya, it is such an incredible chest opening yoga technique
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