***DISCLAIMERS***
First, I'm on a lot of heavy duty meds tonight, I will re-proof in the morning but tonight this could really say anything lol. Second there are some surgical pictures here, both internal surgical camera pictures and scars so if that bothers you, don't look.
I've written a lot of super personal, somewhat heavy blogposts lately about the emotional components and frustrations that accompany endometriosis. Tonight I'm going to mix it up with a photo collective of various pictures and images that will describe what ENDOMETRIOSIS in a way that I feel words will never be able.
I wanted to be both actual in my pictures, that are pictures of MY endometriosis belly, some surgery pictures, and some images that express what the feelings are that accompany the physical manifestations of this truly all encompassing disease.
I figure it makes sense to start with my very first picture of my dreaded endometriosis bloat, which is named Katie, for those of you who do not already know.
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| This is the very first picture of Katie that I ever took! |
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That is a heating pad and a BE band, a brilliant pregnancy/maternity
product from Target that I use to hold my heating pads where I want them to be |
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| Pretty severe bloating I would say! |
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So on top of the physical symptoms of this dreaded disease
how do you look like this and not become more depressed and upset
and have a constant, visible reminder of the war that is being waged in there |
I also wanted to share some pictures I have from surgeries, these include operative pictures, and then some post-op incision pictures and then some general hospital shots:
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These are my excision surgery scars two days post op, the day
before we were given the green light to go home! |
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| Before my consultation with the excision surgeon I decided to use a Sharpie marker the day before and mark specifically where I had pain. It was very useful and the nurse was grateful I had done it. With all the pains we have, it can be hard to remember! |
And then of course there is all of the fun included in both operative related hospitalizations, as well as ER trips, ambulance trips when being transferred to a better hospital, and then the actual fun hospital things like visiting doggies!!!
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| One thing in particular I loved at Cedars is the pet visiting program they offer. I wish it was not my last admission they offered it to me. But each day, sometimes more than once these lovely, peaceful, healing animals will hop on your bed, if you would like, which i always love having and they just love on you and you on them. Animal love is truly the best medicine. |
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| Yes, several tattoos, piercings, hospitalizations and I still cannot handle the needles well! |
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| I don't remember which surgery this was either, but getting up and walking after abdominal, even lap surgeries is EXCRUCIATING. Once I'm up I'm good but the act of getting up nearly kills me. My nurse was shocked when we went for my first walk and I wanted to kick up my leg! |
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| and not such a good moment |
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| Must have been pretty drugged here, looking pretty comfy and stoned lol |
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| Lovely hospital bracelet collection |
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| Can't forget the delicious contrast you drink with ER visits for scans and stuff. YUK as a chronically nauseated person it is very difficult to get much less keep that stuff down! |
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| Super sexy pre-op legwear, to avoid blood clots while on the table, I hate these things sooooo much and always beg to take them off. But when they bargain with taking away the morphine pump, I give in lol |
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| MY WORST ENEM: The pelvic/transvag ultrasound machine....ouch |
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| Defintely before pain meds kicked in! |
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| YUK and OUCH |
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| Going in for surgery! |
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| This was after my excision surgery in 2014 and when I met my new bff the morphine pump! |
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| For some reason during this particular hospitalization I had to have my iv replaced several times, the least fun iv place, well second least fun, to me anyways, is the hand. |
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| Last year I endured several, six I believe, admissions that each resulted in a few days of being in the hospital and I'm not even sure when this specifically was, but I will never forget the misery I was feeling in this moment. It was the moment you wake up in the middle of the night, after hours of having your last pain meds and when your body wakes up and the pain rages back. |
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| And then the dreaded ambulance ride. I actually had really cool, young EMTs taking me on our nearly hour long transfer drive, so loud music, good laughs and of course the morphine drip helped ;) |
And then there are the images I've found online that to me just express the epitome of what endometriosis can feel like, in an almost hybrid type way, both physically and emotionally. Each of these images truly moves me in a somewhat major way, but believe it or not, lol I'm not feeling very write-y tonight, so its all about the pictures, this next batch here I'm going to leave, intentionally, caption-less
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| This is the one that always catches a lump in my throat, considering I'm having the rest of my hysterectomy performed in a little over two weeks, this gets me quite teary right now |
I am going to end with some HOPE tonight. I know I need an extra dose of it myself right now, desperately so. So I have a special selection of images and some quotes (Again no captions):
“Endometriosis affects women during the prime years of their lives, a time when they should be finishing an education, starting and maintaining a career, building relationships and perhaps have a family. For these women to have their productivity affected, their quality of life compromised and their chances for starting a family reduced, is something society can no longer afford to ignore. It is time we see serious investment in preventing this debilitating condition in the next generation of women”,
- Dr Stephen Kennedy, WERF trustee
Also I found this quote, as a food for thought thing, to throw out there... I think its interesting, and possibly what we must do when we with endo grow sick and tired, of being sick and tired:
The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.
- Roseanne Barr
These above quotes really help me to realize I can, and am taking an active part in the process of my healthcare decisions and plans...That I truly believe is a VITAL component to health, especially when you add in the factor of having a complex, life-changing medical (oh yea and incurable) condition.
I want to sign off tonight with what I call an ohmism. I'm working on a book about my endometriosis experience. It is very personal but will be publishing it, if it ever gets finished. Anyhow I thought I'd close tonight by sharing this particular message that I definitely needed to see again! Thank you for taking the time to read and peruse, I hope you learned a little something, or if you're an endosister yourself, I hope you realize YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Signing off with wishes for y'all, and myself, of a healthy, easy night of sleep and restorative rest!
~namaste
